I keep trying but I don't think I can do this. The whole internet friendships thing. I honestly can't log into tumblr anymore, and I have to pull myself right together to even type my password into deviantart and look at my messages. I just feel as though the only person who's been there for me through thick and thin is captainport
I just don't deserve to be a part of their lives anymore. All I do is cause hurt, and honestly I don't even think I can bring myself to talk to anyone online anymore. My ears ring
, my hands go numb and my legs shake. If that's what I have to go through to say a simple 'hi' to my friends, I can't do it.
Most of them don't even start conversations with me anymore. ever. only port.
and I feel like i'm invading their other friendships and relationships, some people I can't even think about because I feel like i'm an invasion of their privacy and I shouldn't even be friends because it'll look like i'm deperate to be in with the fun conversations and good times.
No. I can't be background character anymore. and I don't want to be laughed at behind my backs and made fun of. once my friend gave me her password and she got a note while I was on that was making fun of me back in 2010. They genuinely made fun of me behind my back.
and I'm an emotional wreck and everyone finds it hard to handle me. but they shouldnt have to. everyone feels responsible and bad for me, why. I'm just a girl, I don't want that. I just wanted friends.
It's a shame really that I am saying this, I feel as though even if i've said this in the past, this is the final time I will need to say it. I think it's over, I can't be a second, third, fourth best friend. I've, pushed and pushed further to the back of the line.
all my best friends I met on youtube and deviantart. I really thought we had special connections, but we never did. because for some reason in 2012 everything changed and suddenly everyone had better things to do and cooled people to be friends with.
you can go ahead and see me as moany and annoying. it's fine, i'm not coming back to read comments or notes or inboxes. I'm not coming back. I'm sorry to any of the friends who genuinely care about me. But are there really any?
my one wish is that you remember the good times we had, me and my best friends in 2009-20012. wow, what great years.
where did it go wrong